You and Me Forever, by Francis & Lisa Chan

(I am so happy to share a guest post by my best friend, Amelia, who writes at Amelia McNeilly and is a fellow book-lover. She had discovered this book and started reading it, then told me how i "must must read it," especially seeing as i had recently started a relationship. I did start reading it, and am now almost finished, but sweet Amelia, due to life circumstance is "lucky enough" to have loads more time to read than me. ;) So, here ya go, my friends...and here's hoping this is the start of a more frequent pace of posting on this long-neglected blog.)

I recently read the book, “You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity” by Francis and Lisa Chan. Out of all the books I have read in 2015, it has by far been the best and most convicting to me. I am single but I try to read books on marriage from couples that I respect because I find that I can still learn from them and it is good preparation for the future if God does call me to be married. However, this was unlike any other marriage book I have read in the fact that it was less about marriage and more about one’s relationship with Christ. That being said, this book is not just for those who are marred. It is for married people, single people, those with kids, and those without kids. For anyone who wants to grow in their relationship with Christ and increase their eternal perspective — this book is for you.   By the end of the first chapter I was hooked and already challenged in my own relationship with the Lord. 

The book encourages those who are married to live in such a way that they would bring their spouses and children closer to Christ each day.  The lifestyle that Francis and Lisa write about is not a comfortable one, and they speak truth that is not easy for others to hear but is crucial for Eternity.  Francis writes, “People accuse me of going overboard in preparing for my first ten million years in eternity. In my opinion, people go overboard in worrying about their last ten years on earth.” 

He also makes the point that most problems couples encounter are not marriage problems, but God problems. This principle isn’t just for folks who are married but for everyone. Chan states, “Again, our marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are heart problems. They are God problems. Our lack of intimacy with God causes a void that we try to fill with the frailest of substitutes. Like wealth or pleasure. Like fame or respect. Like people. Like marriage.”  This was such a good reminder for me. It is so easy to get consumed with the relationships or material things we have. These things are not bad but the problems begin when we put them before our relationship with Christ. He goes on to say, “Eternal-mindedness keeps us from silly arguments. There’s no time to fight. We have better things to pursue than our interests. Too much is at stake! God created us for a purpose. We can’t afford to waste our lives. We can’t afford to waste our marriage by merely pursuing our own happiness.”

Each chapter of the book has one goal in mind and that is to bring the reader closer to the Savior. I would recommend that you add this to your reading list if you have not already. This would also be a great book to read together with your spouse or to read and discuss with a small group whether it be a group of singles or other married couples. However, be prepared to grow in your relationship with Jesus and ready to be taken out of your comfort zone. It may be hard but will be worth it. 

Also, 100% of the net proceeds from this book will support various ministries including those that help provide shelter and rehabilitation for thousands of children and exploited women around the world. :)

Because He is Faithful,

Amelia McNeilly

http://ameliamcneilly.com

"Rejoice always,  pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The Mingling of Souls, by Matt Chandler

I started reading this book after hearing high praise of it from various people that i respect, including Lore (Ferguson) Wilbert, who writes at Sayable. Lore attended, and was on staff at, The Village Church with Matt Chandler for several years, and recently met and married her husband in her 30's. Suffice it to say, she is someone i look up to and appreciate her writing style greatly. 

Matt wrote this book after preaching through the Song of Solomon. So many believed that it was a topic that needed to be available to a much wider audience, and he dealt with issues that are relevant to our world today. 

In the book, i appreciated how Matt starts at the very beginning, in the Garden of Eden, where God first created male and female and orchestrated the whole idea of marriage and companionship and yes, sex. As he writes, "It is necessary, for the understanding of all God has made, to know that God intentionally made the universe in a way that brings Him great glory and us great joy. God's good design when it comes to gender and relationships and sex is for all of these things to work rhythmically together in such a way that men and women experience the deepest amount of joy possible while at the same time glorifying God at the highest level possible. The longing in a single person's heart for a wife or a husband finds its root in God's glory." What a beautiful reassurance this holds for me, in my heart that has desired marriage and to be the wife of a good and godly man for many years. Of course, it is good, as well, to recognize the daily grace and mercy that God gives us to live in a way that glorifies Him while we wait for His perfect timing. 

At the end of the introduction, Matt shares a quote by Charles Spurgeon that explains how we can only truly see the beauty of the Song of Solomon when we view it thru the picture of Christ's sacrificial love for us. And then he shares this beautiful picture of marriage, "We can come just as we are to Jesus Christ; He does not love some future version of us, but He loves the real us, the wounded us, the messy us, the broken us. And what we learn in the Song of Songs is that a marriage shaped according to this gospel of grace, forged over years of hard-earned trust and forgiveness, can be an unsafe place for sin but a very safe place for sinners. In a gospel-cenetered marriage, when two souls are mingled together with the Holy Spirit's leading, we find confirmation after confirmation that grace is true, that grace is real--that we can be really, truly, deeply known and at the same time really, truly, deeply loved." How amazing is that?! I believe that the deepest desire of each person's heart is to be truly known by someone who sees them fully, and to still be truly loved by that person. Of course, we each one of us have this opportunity in Jesus Christ, because He knows us inside out, and yet He loves us anyways. But, here on this earth, in these mortal bodies that are created by God to live in communion with others, we need the physical reminder from another human being. 

This book is full of wisdom and encouragement and stories of relationships done well, and some done not-so-well. If you are in a relationship, or have the desire to be married at some point, i highly recommend this book. Some others of my favorite quotes...

"Because the Bible tells us we need to go deeper than physical attraction in our relationships, and because we know that what we find physically attractive has been for the most part culturally informed, it is wise to acknowledge that God has hardwired us for the commitment of companionship over and above sexual attraction or physical pleasure. Companionship brings deeper joy and greater pleasure than the mere physical could ever bring by itself. If you have physical attraction and no companionship in your relationship, you'll eventually be miserable; but if you have deep companionship with each other, physical attraction isn't as important and becomes less and less so as time passes." (I loved this reminder because even tho, of course, you want to be physically attracted to your future spouse---as i like to say, "You want to WANT to make babies with them!"---but that close comfortableness that you will find with your partner in life is vital. Even if there isn't a strong attraction at first, hands down, it is something that will grow deeper with time as you come to love and appreciate your spouse more and more. )

Along these same lines, in the chapter on dating..."The deepest cries of our hearts so often can be characterized by a desperate desire for our whole selves to be known and at the same time delighted in. Solomon said to his prospective partner, 'I see the things you're insecure about, and I find you absolutely captivating. You impress me and please me.' This was life-giving."

Matt talks about the dating stage and the more intense, marriage-minded courtship stage, and gives suggestions for topics to discuss and questions to ask. So many helpful ideas there! And what a grace and mercy in our lives when we get to that stage, start to get to the nitty-gritty of a possibility of a life together with another person, they see some of our "crazy" and they don't run away. ;-)

I'll close with this quote from the chapter on marriage, where Matt debunks the myth of "the one." ... "I will give you this credit on the idea of 'the one.' I know there is a 'one' for me. Her name is Lauren. She was Lauren Walker; now she's Lauren Chandler. And here's how I know she's 'the one': she said yes. I'm wearing a ring and she's wearing a ring and we made vows to one another. Because God is at work in space and time, because He is sovereign over all things, we don't get into conflict or difficult times and wonder if we missed out on 'the one.' We trust in God and realize that 'the one' is the one you're in covenant with. The idea of 'the one' can undercut the grace God gives for marriage to be a reflection of the gospel because it can cause us to doubt whether this sinner we married is actually the one. We doubt this especially when he or she doesn't seem to be 'completing' us very well, when we don't feel especially fulfilled in our marriage. When we begin to give in to our own self-interests, when we cave to lustful temptations, or when we just flat out get bored or irritated, our thoughts often turn away from giving grace to our spouse and toward wondering if the reason we've got all this trouble is because we didn't marry the right person. So that kind of thinking disgraces marriage because marriage is something God does through us." 

Now that you have quite a taste for the way Matt writes and shares these truths, hopefully you will be encouraged to go read this book as well. Maybe you are married already and have understood these truths, and this could just be something for you to share with a young couple who are moving in that direction. Become a mentor to them, and speak truth to them, and remind them of God's grace and strength.