You and Me Forever, by Francis & Lisa Chan

(I am so happy to share a guest post by my best friend, Amelia, who writes at Amelia McNeilly and is a fellow book-lover. She had discovered this book and started reading it, then told me how i "must must read it," especially seeing as i had recently started a relationship. I did start reading it, and am now almost finished, but sweet Amelia, due to life circumstance is "lucky enough" to have loads more time to read than me. ;) So, here ya go, my friends...and here's hoping this is the start of a more frequent pace of posting on this long-neglected blog.)

I recently read the book, “You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity” by Francis and Lisa Chan. Out of all the books I have read in 2015, it has by far been the best and most convicting to me. I am single but I try to read books on marriage from couples that I respect because I find that I can still learn from them and it is good preparation for the future if God does call me to be married. However, this was unlike any other marriage book I have read in the fact that it was less about marriage and more about one’s relationship with Christ. That being said, this book is not just for those who are marred. It is for married people, single people, those with kids, and those without kids. For anyone who wants to grow in their relationship with Christ and increase their eternal perspective — this book is for you.   By the end of the first chapter I was hooked and already challenged in my own relationship with the Lord. 

The book encourages those who are married to live in such a way that they would bring their spouses and children closer to Christ each day.  The lifestyle that Francis and Lisa write about is not a comfortable one, and they speak truth that is not easy for others to hear but is crucial for Eternity.  Francis writes, “People accuse me of going overboard in preparing for my first ten million years in eternity. In my opinion, people go overboard in worrying about their last ten years on earth.” 

He also makes the point that most problems couples encounter are not marriage problems, but God problems. This principle isn’t just for folks who are married but for everyone. Chan states, “Again, our marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are heart problems. They are God problems. Our lack of intimacy with God causes a void that we try to fill with the frailest of substitutes. Like wealth or pleasure. Like fame or respect. Like people. Like marriage.”  This was such a good reminder for me. It is so easy to get consumed with the relationships or material things we have. These things are not bad but the problems begin when we put them before our relationship with Christ. He goes on to say, “Eternal-mindedness keeps us from silly arguments. There’s no time to fight. We have better things to pursue than our interests. Too much is at stake! God created us for a purpose. We can’t afford to waste our lives. We can’t afford to waste our marriage by merely pursuing our own happiness.”

Each chapter of the book has one goal in mind and that is to bring the reader closer to the Savior. I would recommend that you add this to your reading list if you have not already. This would also be a great book to read together with your spouse or to read and discuss with a small group whether it be a group of singles or other married couples. However, be prepared to grow in your relationship with Jesus and ready to be taken out of your comfort zone. It may be hard but will be worth it. 

Also, 100% of the net proceeds from this book will support various ministries including those that help provide shelter and rehabilitation for thousands of children and exploited women around the world. :)

Because He is Faithful,

Amelia McNeilly

http://ameliamcneilly.com

"Rejoice always,  pray continually,  give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The Mingling of Souls, by Matt Chandler

I started reading this book after hearing high praise of it from various people that i respect, including Lore (Ferguson) Wilbert, who writes at Sayable. Lore attended, and was on staff at, The Village Church with Matt Chandler for several years, and recently met and married her husband in her 30's. Suffice it to say, she is someone i look up to and appreciate her writing style greatly. 

Matt wrote this book after preaching through the Song of Solomon. So many believed that it was a topic that needed to be available to a much wider audience, and he dealt with issues that are relevant to our world today. 

In the book, i appreciated how Matt starts at the very beginning, in the Garden of Eden, where God first created male and female and orchestrated the whole idea of marriage and companionship and yes, sex. As he writes, "It is necessary, for the understanding of all God has made, to know that God intentionally made the universe in a way that brings Him great glory and us great joy. God's good design when it comes to gender and relationships and sex is for all of these things to work rhythmically together in such a way that men and women experience the deepest amount of joy possible while at the same time glorifying God at the highest level possible. The longing in a single person's heart for a wife or a husband finds its root in God's glory." What a beautiful reassurance this holds for me, in my heart that has desired marriage and to be the wife of a good and godly man for many years. Of course, it is good, as well, to recognize the daily grace and mercy that God gives us to live in a way that glorifies Him while we wait for His perfect timing. 

At the end of the introduction, Matt shares a quote by Charles Spurgeon that explains how we can only truly see the beauty of the Song of Solomon when we view it thru the picture of Christ's sacrificial love for us. And then he shares this beautiful picture of marriage, "We can come just as we are to Jesus Christ; He does not love some future version of us, but He loves the real us, the wounded us, the messy us, the broken us. And what we learn in the Song of Songs is that a marriage shaped according to this gospel of grace, forged over years of hard-earned trust and forgiveness, can be an unsafe place for sin but a very safe place for sinners. In a gospel-cenetered marriage, when two souls are mingled together with the Holy Spirit's leading, we find confirmation after confirmation that grace is true, that grace is real--that we can be really, truly, deeply known and at the same time really, truly, deeply loved." How amazing is that?! I believe that the deepest desire of each person's heart is to be truly known by someone who sees them fully, and to still be truly loved by that person. Of course, we each one of us have this opportunity in Jesus Christ, because He knows us inside out, and yet He loves us anyways. But, here on this earth, in these mortal bodies that are created by God to live in communion with others, we need the physical reminder from another human being. 

This book is full of wisdom and encouragement and stories of relationships done well, and some done not-so-well. If you are in a relationship, or have the desire to be married at some point, i highly recommend this book. Some others of my favorite quotes...

"Because the Bible tells us we need to go deeper than physical attraction in our relationships, and because we know that what we find physically attractive has been for the most part culturally informed, it is wise to acknowledge that God has hardwired us for the commitment of companionship over and above sexual attraction or physical pleasure. Companionship brings deeper joy and greater pleasure than the mere physical could ever bring by itself. If you have physical attraction and no companionship in your relationship, you'll eventually be miserable; but if you have deep companionship with each other, physical attraction isn't as important and becomes less and less so as time passes." (I loved this reminder because even tho, of course, you want to be physically attracted to your future spouse---as i like to say, "You want to WANT to make babies with them!"---but that close comfortableness that you will find with your partner in life is vital. Even if there isn't a strong attraction at first, hands down, it is something that will grow deeper with time as you come to love and appreciate your spouse more and more. )

Along these same lines, in the chapter on dating..."The deepest cries of our hearts so often can be characterized by a desperate desire for our whole selves to be known and at the same time delighted in. Solomon said to his prospective partner, 'I see the things you're insecure about, and I find you absolutely captivating. You impress me and please me.' This was life-giving."

Matt talks about the dating stage and the more intense, marriage-minded courtship stage, and gives suggestions for topics to discuss and questions to ask. So many helpful ideas there! And what a grace and mercy in our lives when we get to that stage, start to get to the nitty-gritty of a possibility of a life together with another person, they see some of our "crazy" and they don't run away. ;-)

I'll close with this quote from the chapter on marriage, where Matt debunks the myth of "the one." ... "I will give you this credit on the idea of 'the one.' I know there is a 'one' for me. Her name is Lauren. She was Lauren Walker; now she's Lauren Chandler. And here's how I know she's 'the one': she said yes. I'm wearing a ring and she's wearing a ring and we made vows to one another. Because God is at work in space and time, because He is sovereign over all things, we don't get into conflict or difficult times and wonder if we missed out on 'the one.' We trust in God and realize that 'the one' is the one you're in covenant with. The idea of 'the one' can undercut the grace God gives for marriage to be a reflection of the gospel because it can cause us to doubt whether this sinner we married is actually the one. We doubt this especially when he or she doesn't seem to be 'completing' us very well, when we don't feel especially fulfilled in our marriage. When we begin to give in to our own self-interests, when we cave to lustful temptations, or when we just flat out get bored or irritated, our thoughts often turn away from giving grace to our spouse and toward wondering if the reason we've got all this trouble is because we didn't marry the right person. So that kind of thinking disgraces marriage because marriage is something God does through us." 

Now that you have quite a taste for the way Matt writes and shares these truths, hopefully you will be encouraged to go read this book as well. Maybe you are married already and have understood these truths, and this could just be something for you to share with a young couple who are moving in that direction. Become a mentor to them, and speak truth to them, and remind them of God's grace and strength. 

The Truest Thing About You, by David Lomas

If i could recommend one single book for every Christian to read this year, this would be it. Dave Lomas is a pastor at Reality:San Francisco, a Christ-following, Biblically-modeled church that i have had the privilege to fellowship at a couple times while visiting friends in the area. Having heard Dave preach, i knew to expect good writing, but i was blown away by the profound truths he shared here. It's not like it's anything new---there is nothing new under the sun. And everything here is based on Scripture, so it's not like he got some new revelation. What Dave has done, however, is take God's Word and apply it to our generation today. Our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, gay marriage, Pinterest-comparison, everyone is prettier/skinnier/richer than me, gun-toting, Republican/Democrat/Libertarian generation. He gets down to the nitty gritty and then he follows thru with answers to that question we always ask at the end of some great book that has laid out such wonderful, grandiose ideas…now what do i do? Since reading it, i have reread major sections of, and continue to absorb the truths and mind renewing that must go on. Just go buy it. Download it. Whatever you need to do.

You're Already Amazing, by Holley Gerth

       The subtitle here is Embracing Who You Are, Becoming All God Created You to Be. The title might sound cheesy, but the content is a pure treasure trove of truth and encouragement. I have not highlighted so many lines and complete paragraphs in a book since reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts. 

        I loved so much the way Holley writes as if we're just two friends sitting down for coffee and a heart-to-heart talk. She is one of the most sincere and humble authors i've ever read, which is probably what i appreciate the most when reading a book such as this. With chapter titles such as "Who Am I, Really?" and "Why Do I Feel This Way?" to "What Does God Want Me to Do with My Life?" and "Is It Okay to Take Care of Myself?"Holley does get to the heart of the matter. 

       We women struggle almost constantly with comparison and perfectionism and wanting so much to make everyone around us happy. In this book, i learned about the importance of really figuring out who God made me to be--my strengths, my weaknesses, the people i'm most drawn to serve, the sphere in which i thrive--and then finding the freedom to live it out. And at the center of it all is the grasping at realizing exactly how deeply we are loved by Jesus. Because, the truth is this, as Holley says it, "You really are loved. Just as you are. More than you know…I don't have to be perfect. I only need to be perfectly loved. And i am. So are you."

        I won't share too much because i really want to encourage you to read it for yourself. It was more "interactive" than i was expecting (with the helpful tools of figuring out your strengths, skills, your "who," etc.), but i'm so glad it was. Especially since i read thru the book with a friend (half-way across the US, and we'd visit on the phone once a week to discuss), it helped force me to actually engage and answer the questions. In the end, i know i definitely got so much more out of the book and it started to really stick in my heart. 

        Now, just a few of my favorite quotes (and i probably shouldn't post so many, but i know some of you can't just go out and buy the book this minute, so i'm sharing a few more so you have some real nuggets to mull over). 

       "We're afraid we won't be loved….A part of me still feels insecure. Fear pulls at the edges of my heart…It seems Jesus lays his hand on those frayed edges, those places i wish i were different, and He stitches them up with grace. He tells me again: Love all. Please One. Be who I've created you to be. You are enough because I am enough in you." 

       "We are to love people, but we're only asked to please God….We're called to care about others, to be kind and considerate, to try our best to bless them. But, ladies, we don't have to make everyone happy. And if we don't have to make everyone happy, then we don't have to be perfect. God has already declared us good enough, worthy in His sight, valuable, and with much to offer the world." 

       "We're here to express faith through love--for God, others, and ourselves. But how that happens does vary with each one of us. By understanding how we're created and called to express love, we find focus and direction. We can say yes to what matters most and no to what isn't necessary without guilt. We can make sure our days are spent wisely and we live well." 

       "It seems the point ins't how much we have on our own but Whose hands we place it in. God knows how to turn our little bit into a whole lot…What matters most to Him isn't that you always get it right but instead that you stay right by His side."

        "The disappointment only comes when we expect all of the more we're promised in the then and there to happen in the here and now….What we've been talking about isn't making our lives perfect. Instead it's about learning to turn to Jesus when our hearts feel restless, to have the courage to be who He made us here and now no matter what…We were made for more than this, and yet we're also made for this moment. Out of all of history, God chose this time for you to be on earth…In between the laundry, the endless trips to the office, the mundane parts of being human, we can forget that we're part of a bigger story, a greater plan. And here's the thing: we only get one you. There never has been, and never will be, another you in this world. God doesn't have a backup plan or replacement policy."

        And finally, "We may think back with regret on who we wish we'd been. We may look forward with fear about who we might (or might not) become. But the only place where we can offer ourselves, where God can use us, is the moment we're in right now."

(Revell Publishing, 2012. Direct link to purchase on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Youre-Already-Amazing-Embracing-Becoming/dp/0800720601/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1392657812&sr=8-4)

English Garden Series, by Lori Wick

My first introduction to the wonderful world of Lori Wick, thanks to the recommendation of my fellow book-loving friend, Amelia. The Proposal is the first in a series of four books set in early 1800's England. Among the various plots, we meet and get to know several families and see their friendships and growing lives. This is more than just "Christian Romance," tho there is some of that. These books are sweet, quaint, deep in their spiritual insight, and cause you to ponder your own life and walk with the Lord. Plus, you get to make lots of new "friends" that you won't want to say goodbye to.
Book two is The Rescue; Book three is The Visitor; and final book four is The Pursuit.

For When You Need a Good Movie to Watch...

How often do you have an evening to yourself, and what sounds best is to put on your comfy clothes and curl up on the sofa for a good movie? For me, this happens more frequently than is probably healthy for my social life, but hey, we are none of us perfect.

So, when you click onto Netflix, here are some recommendations to help cut down on your "browse" time. I'll try and categorize these as much as possible, and also come back and add more as i find them--please comment with your favorites, and if they need a "disclaimer," feel free to add those. I don't judge. :-)

Quirky films to make you smile (and maybe cry a bit as well):
~Lars & the Real Girl (i just checked, and darn it! they made this a dvd only title--ah well, if you can find it, watch it)
~Safety Not Guaranteed (has some language)
~Take Me Home
~12 Dates of Christmas (i've watched this movie several times and loved it each time)
~The Guilt Trip (this one got horrible reviews, but i cannot for the life of me know why. it is soooo good, and you must watch to the end)
~Stuck in Love (this is a long, deep, funny and very relatable movie. however, it is rated r for a reason. skip past if you must, but it's definitely worth it)
~Robot & Frank (i definitely "smile-cried" at the end of this one)
~Romantics Anonymous
~The Sapphires
~Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You (had some language, but the plot and characters were really good)
~Papadopoulus & Sons
~If I Were You
~Unfinished Song (a cryjerker, with heart--not a total "sob all the way thru," but you will cry a bit, i promise. Plus, Gemma Arterton is so adorable. And Vanessa Redgrave, wow.)

Fun & Funny (kind of Romantic Comedies, but not all):
~Dorfman in Love
~Chalet Girl
~The Switch
~The Rebound (not my top pick, but definitely enjoyed it and made me smile, especially loved the ending)
~I Don't Know How She Does It
~One For the Money
~Holes (technically a kids movie, but it's such a fun and cute story, if you're looking for something when you're feeling very young at heart)
~Anjelah Johnson "That's How We Do It" (if you've not seen this, you must! if for no other reason than to see the "nail salon" part)
~Decoy Bride

DocuDramas of a sort:
~Haute Cuisine
~The Intouchables
~The Trip

Documentaries:
~Food Inc.
~Hungry For Change
~Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead
~Inside Chipotle
~"Bloomberg Game Changers" Anna Wintour
~Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf's
~Kings of Pastry
~Business of Being Born


Dramas:
~Enchanted April (my sister and i first watched this at our grandparents house over 20 years ago. have since watched it at least 20 more times and it is one of the BEST FILMS EVER MADE)
~North & South (based on the Elisabeth Gaskell book--which is awesome as well)
~October Baby
~Her Majesty, Mrs. Brown (another long-time favorite….it was so interesting to watch the newer "The Young Victoria," having seen what her later life was like)
~Cairo Time (slow moving, beautiful film, with one of the most gorgeous soundtracks ever)
~Barbara (story at times was a bit difficult to follow, but the ending was worth it)
~Drinking Buddies (yes, this had funny parts, but it's mostly a drama. i thought it was going to end differently than it did, and i'm so glad i was wrong)

Superb British TV:
~Inspector Lewis (my personal all-time favorites)
~Inspector Morse (film quality is the highest, but love the characters, and especially having fallen in love with Inspector Lewis series, really loved seeing the background)
~Endeavor (There is a 1 1/2 hour film--watch first; and then Series 1 with 4 full episodes)
~Call the Midwife
~Sherlock
~Doc Martin
~Foyle's War
~Poirot
~Midsomer Murders (the early series are the best on this one)
~Monarch of the Glen (very much a lighthearted soap opera, but gorgeous scenery, and that gorgeous Scottish accent)
~Wallander (both the English version with Kenneth Branagh, and the Henning Mankell version)
~Vera (she deals with some darker crimes, but the character development between her and her team are good)
~George Gently
~Inspector Lynley Mysteries

Awesome American TV:
~The West Wing (i have no idea why i waited so long to try this show, but i absolutely love it!)
~The Closer
~Major Crimes
~Longmire

Where'd You Go, Bernadette? by Maria Semple

This started off as simply one of the most hilarious books i've ever read, but as i kept going, it was also one of the most perceptive books as well. This is the story of Bee, the daughter of a brilliant, computer-genius father, and Bernadette, her artistic, architect-genius, slightly mentally-off mother. They live in a dilapidated old mansion on a hill in Seattle. Bee is quite the little genius herself. Her mother, tho, has struggled for a long time with past disappointments (you have to read to find out just how huge those disappointments were), and has given up on socializing. She hires a personal assistant from India to make appointments, book reservations, and basically take care of them. Because of Semple's writing style, you get journal entries of one person, email conversations from others, and observations from some. You get all the sides of the stories and it may sound confusing, but it is genius itself. The ending wasn't what i expected--it was so much better!